Big Tech Power Rankings
september 23 2025
POWER PLAYER OF THE WEEK
ORACLE
larry ellison showing more vitality than bryan johnson's sleeptime boners. bam! openai deal locked in. bang! tiktok usa in the bag. prepare for the boom: an oracle x coreweave deal, completing the ai infra circlejerk and locking it in for years to come.
POWER PLAYER OF THE WEEK
ORACLE
larry ellison showing more vitality than bryan johnson's sleeptime boners. bam! openai deal locked in. bang! tiktok usa in the bag. prepare for the boom: an oracle x coreweave deal, completing the ai infra circlejerk and locking it in for years to come.
NVIDIA
you sell black leather jackets. you'll do anything to sell more jackets. you set up leather jacket shops all over town, wash trade with the shops so demand looks hot as hell. you invest in the shops so they can increase their inventory...of your jackets. you even work with the rival denim jacket makers to make fusion leather-denim jackets. everyone buys your jackets, including you. jensen huang liked this post.
NVIDIA
you sell black leather jackets. you'll do anything to sell more jackets. you set up leather jacket shops all over town, wash trade with the shops so demand looks hot as hell. you invest in the shops so they can increase their inventory...of your jackets. you even work with the rival denim jacket makers to make fusion leather-denim jackets. everyone buys your jackets, including you. jensen huang liked this post.
OPENAI
huge personnel pickup this week. it has also become clear how openai will fund themselves moving forward: promise everyone hundreds of billions, have them all pay each other. sam might need his chatbot to understand the emails people send to him, but he only needs his grey matter to answer the question: "how will you pay for this?"
OPENAI
huge personnel pickup this week. it has also become clear how openai will fund themselves moving forward: promise everyone hundreds of billions, have them all pay each other. sam might need his chatbot to understand the emails people send to him, but he only needs his grey matter to answer the question: "how will you pay for this?"
welcomed to the $3t club. they celebrated by obsoleting the dia browser; josh miller was seen crying into his miso soup at masa in midtown.
welcomed to the $3t club. they celebrated by obsoleting the dia browser; josh miller was seen crying into his miso soup at masa in midtown.
MICROSOFT
still unclear if and how microsoft lets openai leave the nest. they could really clamp down and effectively ruin the party for everyone, or let them fly and get left with a bit of gold and a lot of fomo. its starting to feel like microsoft underplayed their hand here, but it's still foggy in both seattle and san francisco.
MICROSOFT
still unclear if and how microsoft lets openai leave the nest. they could really clamp down and effectively ruin the party for everyone, or let them fly and get left with a bit of gold and a lot of fomo. its starting to feel like microsoft underplayed their hand here, but it's still foggy in both seattle and san francisco.
ANTHROPIC
claude code explains recent losses to gpt-5 codex by saying their controller was broken. like a toxic boyfriend, dario is still outside holding up an end of days sign but also promising he's here for u bb don't worry daddy d will keep u safe.
ANTHROPIC
claude code explains recent losses to gpt-5 codex by saying their controller was broken. like a toxic boyfriend, dario is still outside holding up an end of days sign but also promising he's here for u bb don't worry daddy d will keep u safe.
META
meta ray-bans - google glasses put through mark's own "make me appear as a human people would like" rebrand - were launched with new ai features that did not work. you can now subtitle people talking to you and view them through the lens of a camera; nothing connects us better than literally becoming audience members in movies of our own lives. can't wait to have a very normal, human conversation with someone twitching their wrists at me looking off to the side and nodding. but thank god they'll have their phones away at least.
META
meta ray-bans - google glasses put through mark's own "make me appear as a human people would like" rebrand - were launched with new ai features that did not work. you can now subtitle people talking to you and view them through the lens of a camera; nothing connects us better than literally becoming audience members in movies of our own lives. can't wait to have a very normal, human conversation with someone twitching their wrists at me looking off to the side and nodding. but thank god they'll have their phones away at least.
TESLA
vibes are back at tesla now that it seems like elon may agree to spending time doing work for the company. the board throwing themselves at him like teenagers at a justin beiber concert definitely makes investory hype seem rational.
TESLA
vibes are back at tesla now that it seems like elon may agree to spending time doing work for the company. the board throwing themselves at him like teenagers at a justin beiber concert definitely makes investory hype seem rational.
APPLE
the whole company has negative rizz. halls still ring with the echoes of tim cook thanking trump for tariffing apple out the ass. speaking of ass: nobody wants to update ios, and get stuck not being able to see anything with liquid ass. pontificators are comparing apple to boeing (crashed airplanes) and intel (fell asleep for 20 years). we need a reason to say "let tim cook", and fast.
APPLE
the whole company has negative rizz. halls still ring with the echoes of tim cook thanking trump for tariffing apple out the ass. speaking of ass: nobody wants to update ios, and get stuck not being able to see anything with liquid ass. pontificators are comparing apple to boeing (crashed airplanes) and intel (fell asleep for 20 years). we need a reason to say "let tim cook", and fast.
X
news that xai was raising $10b turned out to be fake, so tesla shareholders are going to pay for the next 10 months of operating their grok pornbot, instead. and sadly, if elon has to go do work at tesla, how will x users find out about its new anime outfits?
X
news that xai was raising $10b turned out to be fake, so tesla shareholders are going to pay for the next 10 months of operating their grok pornbot, instead. and sadly, if elon has to go do work at tesla, how will x users find out about its new anime outfits?